The Search for Meaning

For many people on the LGBTQ+ spectrum- especially trans people- the question of "Why me?" can be a big one.

For a lot of people on the LGBTQ+ spectrum, but especially trans people, there is a common question that always seems to quietly hang in the air… “ Why me? ”

Last I checked, I’m not exactly a deity who creates people… but if I can take the liberty to subject you all to my own opinion (and that’s all it is - an opinion) the answer is relatively simple: because life isn’t fair. 

The fact of the matter is, each of us have no more control over the things that happen while we are developing as a fetus than we do over the familial, social or political situation that we are born into. Life is a beautiful; mystical, magical, and wonderful thing… but it’s also random. Unfortunately, we just get what we get. 

However, the beauty and the wonder that lies in the midst of that randomness is the fact that it also gives us the chance to create ourselves as we see fit. One of the things that I often tell people about beauty is that for most of us, it’s 90% with the realm of our control. More than anything, physical beauty is hair, make-up, fashion-sense, and to a degree our body structure. The former three are simply skills that can be learned, studied, mastered and applied. The latter can challenging, but more than anything, like the former 3, is a matter of committing to learning what you need to know, and then having the discipline to see through to your goals; whatever they may be. 

The key is not to resign to your situation, but to take charge of the parts that you control and accept the things that you can’t. For example, my father had green eyes… and for the longest time, every part of my soul wished that I had them too. But the randomness of genetics means that I didn’t get them. I can’t change that. But I can find the make-up, hair and clothing style that best brings out and compliments my natural brown eyes. 

My life circumstances meant that I couldn’t start my personal journey until I was in my forties. I can’t change that. But I can focus on eating healthy, sleeping right, and proper skin care to make the best of the skin and body that I have. 

If you master the discipline of yourself, add in kindness, care for the people around you, a good attitude and a good work ethic, your beauty as a human being goes through the roof; regardless of your starting point. 

Coming back to meaning, for myself, I realized that this is the meaning of my own personal journey. The process that I had to go through to learn these things gave me insights that I can share with others. I realized that my journey gave the ability to help others to “find their shine”. 

Even if the circumstances of my journey may be a function of the randomness of life, the meaning that I found in it, is of my own choosing. Within the chaos, this my friends, is where we find freedom. As Dr. Seuss once said: “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any way you choose.”